Rumours are flooding the internet that Manchester United’s poor performance in the Champion’s League final against Barca Saturday was in part due to a last-minute injury to talented Ecuadorian striker Valencia who saw his place in the team taken by Valencia look-alike and former Bond girl, Halle Berry who was at Wembley hoping to reignite her film career with the aid of twittered rumours.
As much as this would explain Valencia’s woeful performance, Fixball has it on excellent authority (having initiated this rumour in the first place) that there is absolutely no truth whatsoever to the rumour and the reason for Valencia’s terrible performance is that he isn’t as good at football as Halle Berry is at coming out of the sea in a tiny bikini.
To be clear, this is an entirely fabricated story except of course for the bit about Halle Berry’s talent for emerging from water wearing small bikinis, a talent which, hopefully, will again be on display for all to enjoy later this year when she stars in “Dark Tide”, “a thriller centred on a diving instructor who returns to deep waters after a near-fatal encounter with a Great White shark”. (Thanks IMDB.com) Lucky shark! Ding dong!